When God’s Sovereignty Collides With Our Pain

I didn’t sleep last night.
My mind was wrestling with a question as old as Job, but as raw as today’s news:

What do we do with God’s sovereignty when His justice feels unreasonable?

The Question That Shakes Faith

Charlie Kirk is gone at 31.
A father of two. A man who fought harder than most for truth in a world built on lies.

And I can’t help but ask:

That question alone shakes the rock of my faith.

As Christian fathers, we cannot shrug at this. We are raising children in a world where truth is constantly on trial.

If God expects us to engage in these conversations — and I believe He does — then we must wrestle with how.

👉 How do we fight without being crushed by the evil we confront?
👉 How do we engage without losing the families we’re fighting for?

I have stared death in the face more times than I can count:

A bullet at a student protest missed me and killed the bus driver standing behind me.
I have left my body, seen my family wailing over me, then suddenly came back to life.
I have heard my name called seconds before disaster, pulled just out of range.

I am not worthier than Charlie.
I have buried three sisters, two brothers, my father, my childhood friend Waidi, and my best brother David.

I know loss. I know pain.
And still I have clung to God’s faithfulness.

But this loss — of a man I never met — shakes me differently.

Scripture calls him that (2 Corinthians 4:4). But Jesus defeated him at the cross. So which is it?

If Christ reigns, why is Satan still free to maim, steal, and kill?
If God is sovereign, why allow bullets to fly unthwarted when He has the power to bend wind, delay time, or change trajectories?
Why does He let children grow fatherless while telling us He is the “Father to the fatherless”?

These aren’t academic questions.
They are life-and-death questions for fathers raising children in a hostile culture.

I’ve read Job. I know the divine response:

“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?”

In other words — we cannot fathom.

And yet, God also invites reasoning with His children. He asks us to seek, to knock, to wrestle.

So here I am:

Because if God is truly sovereign, then His justice must be more than consolation.
It must be true, right, and good — even when it feels cruel.

Charlie said in his last post:

“America has changed forever.”

I believe the world has changed forever.

And if we, as fathers, Christians, leaders, do not engage these times with truth, then we are complicit in lies.

👉 Our children will grow up in a culture shaped by deception — and we’ll have no moral defense.

I don’t have all the answers.
But I know this:

Truth matters because lies destroy.
And fathers must engage, even when we bleed.

I’ve shared my struggle with sovereignty, justice, and truth.

What about you?

👉 Share your thoughts below. Let’s reason together.